I don’t know about anyone else, but I am not OK today. All I can think of is Uvalde, and the last, terrified seconds of those lost lives. The chaos. The pain. Did the little ones call out for their mamas? Did they think someone was coming to save them? What the hell are we going to do as a society? I am not OK and I am sending “thoughts and prayers” that you are not OK, too. This was not an unfortunate accident, but a preventable tragedy. I have overseas friends, and they are constantly aghast that we as Americans allow these events to keep happening. And make no mistake, we ARE allowing this to happen, by our very inaction. No, most of us are not monsters and do not want to see children die, but we don’t want to make a fuss or to be seen as un-American. Gun control is seen as political, and so many of us desperately want to walk that thin, non-partisan line. We don’t want to alienate anyone, but in this increasingly divisive society, that is an uncomfortable eventuality. So we shed some tears, pull our own children close, and go about our lives. I am not pointing fingers – I am guilty of the same thing. Oh, I read up on political candidates, try to vote my conscience, but I stay pretty quiet because offending anyone is not advantageous, either personally or professionally. I am the human equivalent of khakis – a little dull but not offensive and everybody can relate.
But I am tired – aren’t you tired? My soul is sick and I feel complicit, but hamstrung – what can I do? Where do I start? Seriously, I am asking – totally open to suggestions. I have a friend who worked hard to get speed bumps installed on her street because people were wildly speeding and she was worried about the potential for injury or loss of life. THAT is a REAL, AWESOME, EFFECTIVE solution and one that is within reach. THIS seems insurmountable. Too many people, too many guns, too much history, and ancient paper that our country seems to hold above individual lives. It’s screaming into a hurricane – it makes no sound and has no impact.
I have to come to terms with my inaction, my smiling and going along with the status quo. I have to get really uncomfortable and step into situations that will make my brain itchy. I have to look deep at my own belief system – what I TRULY believe and what I have told myself I believe. I have to be OK with the idea that I may be alienating myself from people I respect. Because I am not OK.
